Is your relationship recession-proof?
Many Australian households are making a role reversal between spouses due to a redundancy or forced shorter working week.
A job loss creates all sorts of drama but one I hear about more frequently is men swapping their role as main breadwinner for that of primary care giver.
One reader told me he is now at home with his two-year-old daughter after his wife was able to increase her part-time role to full-time. “Nearly everyone in my department was made redundant but my wife is angry at me for not doing more to keep my job. She is hyper critical of everything I do at home.”
Another Mr Mum with three primary school-aged children says he is a naturally positive person and so has embraced the job of home manager.
“I am trying to maintain a good attitude but my wife thinks I’m having too much fun at home,” he says. “I’m really trying to get another job but why can’t I enjoy spending more time with our three kids?”
Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble, career coach Bill Lang and Relationships Australia CEO Ann Hollands say communication is vital to making change in a couple’s role work for them, not against them.
Lamble says couples need to talk through the details of how roles will change, rather than wait for the arguments to start.
“The couple really need to come together as a team. If the couple view changes in their roles as an opportunity to gain a greater appreciation of what each brings to family life it could bring them closer together,” she says.
She has known women who stayed quiet about their anger at losing their role as a full-time home carer and men about their feelings of loss of status as primary earner. Another source of friction can be how the employed spouse approaches the job-hunting spouse about his or her progress.
This needs to be negotiated so the job hunter feels supported and not criticised.
Career coach Lang says job hunters should also be encouraged to maintain their professional networks even when they take on the primary carer role..
Hollands recommends couples plan how a job loss is communicated to friends and family. She also warns that a job loss is one of the three top causes of relationship break-up.
We have a detailed article with advice from experts I’m happy to point you to and you can join in the blog at blogs.news.com.au/cubefarmer/index.php.
